It’s a first!

I went to a queer Bollywood dance party last weekend that was chock full of gorgeous South Asian cis guys. I had expected a more gender-diverse queer environment. But after I got over my automatic sense of “Oh, I’m a trans guy in a gay cis guy space, no one’s even going to give me the time of day,” and started dancing (I adore dancing to Bhangra music) I began to really have a good time. And boy were there hotties out! There were South Asians, East Asians, African Americans, the odd Southeast Asian, and some white guys. And I discovered that, in this kind of a space, I was hot stuff. Not one but three total hunks were flirting with me. Two were South Asian and one was African American – all three’s torsos were literally bursting out of their T-shirts with muscle. (I like the skinny, effeminate guys too, but since I’m one, I apparently look like a bottom so I attract the big hunks… which is fine by me!). They were all also really sweet guys. During the Bollywood drag part of the show (which was amazing), the crowd was so dense that I ended up pushed up against one of them, who kept looking back shyly, apologetically, and flirtatiously, and smiling at me. But he was also talking to this super cute young looking bottom guy and even took out his cellphone at one point to get his number I supposed, so I didn’t really go beyond smiling. But when the guy dragged him away, he still kept looking back at me.

Later that night, I was flirting with this hunky African American guy who was clearly into me but for some obscure reason was being recalcitrant (maybe it was the white guy on the sidelines watching who seemed to be his boyfriend), when I saw my South Asian guy again, making eyes at me. I maneuvered over to him, and soon enough, pivoted away from my hesitant dance partner and started dancing with him. (Luckily the boy my South Asian guy was with started dancing with my former dance partner so nobody was left alone… except for the boyfriend on the sidelines). He was a great dancer and obviously totally into me and it was no time before we were making out on the dance floor. He was toppy and hot and twice as big as me and had amazing lips and was a great kisser… It’s been a long time since I’ve had a dance floor make-out that hot – possibly never with someone I didn’t know. The best part was that, in the pauses between kisses, he would look up or throw his head back as if to express that he couldn’t believe his luck and this was the best thing that could have happened to him. A real cutie and a real sweet guy.

At one point he asked how old I was and, shamefacedly, I told him I was 31 (because I know he probably thought I got in with a fake I.D.). He called me a liar and said he was 23 (cis guys – they all look older than they really are). This reminded me of that fact that I was clearly passing for cis, and as the make-out grew more heated, I started to worry that I could be found out. My bound chest feels totally flat from the outside, but if he should slip his hand under my shirt to feel my chest, for instance, things might seem unusual. But what really worried me was that I hadn’t worn my packy that night. I find it uncomfortable, it makes my balls sweat, and it certainly doesn’t make me feel like more of a man, so I avoid wearing it unless my pants are both tight and light-colored and just don’t look right without it. But from now on, I am definitely wearing it to any dance party. By the end, he had slipped his hands down the inside of my jeans to grab my butt cheeks. Luckily, he was a butt man, but I knew it was time to go before he decided to grab my crotch too.

Right now, I’m riding high on a great night and a super hot make-out (the other gay guys were telling us to get a room!). He got my phone number and texted me already and wants to see me again, and I’m definitely up for it. He lives really close to me, and it would be so awesome to have a hot, sweet hook-up in my area. But now, I’m in the position of having to disclose to him that I’m trans before we go any further. It would be disappointing if that made a difference to him. Regardless, though, it’s great to know that I can now go to gay cis parties and make out with the hunk of my choice!

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5 Responses to It’s a first!

  1. I think that it is awesome the way you reversed the “trans boys look younger than they really are” thing to be “cis boys look older than they really are” to make trans boys’ relative younger-looking-ness the standard.

    I hope everything turns/turned out all right(?)

  2. Larkin says:

    That is so exciting man, way to go! :p I just started T a week ago and I’m SO STOKED!

  3. Faggot Boi says:

    @Larkin, congrats man that is exciting! My advice: enjoy every minute.

  4. Faggot Boi says:

    @scb: We had a date last week. Altogether, it went well, considering that he had never met a trans guy before and that it had not even occurred to him that I might be trans. He took it in stride and we messed around pretty fearlessly. It actually went much better than I was expecting. In retrospect though, I realized that I felt uncomfortable with some of the overly personal questions he asked me and some of the language he was using (out of ignorance). In the future, I’ll be very firm on questions I’m not interesting in answering and on language that I will not stand for hearing, even when it isn’t used maliciously.

  5. That is great! Hopefully he is educable on trans issues and you can show him what is wrong with that language. He seems open-minded enough. Although it is uncomfortable to have to do the educating in the first place….

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